Pig Knuckles

I met an elementary school teacher the other day and she is very nice. She invited me to lunch and asked me if I liked Korean food. I said I did although I could not eat the spicy food and was allergic to some food such as soy sauce and red paste. She took me to a very traditional Korean restaurant. The main desk was pig knuckles or it could have been pig's feet.

I thought as I saw the dish being served that I needed to be less particular. I looked at it and saw how her grandchildren and my new friend looked with approval at the pig parts. So, I wanted to appear less like an ugly American and took one. I started to chew and chew and chew and got no where. It was apparent I did not know how to eat this dish. It was so rubbery.

Then they served noodle soup. Inside my head, I heard myself moan: Oh no not flour noodles. She had thought they were rice noodles but I am an experienced noodle person. I knew right away they were made from wheat noodles. I asked for cooked rice and she was upset as well as the owner because I could not eat the pig knuckles either. I just could not force myself to do it.

Where ever one goes in Korea, Anglo-Americans stand out. I was the only one in the restaurant and the owner keep bringing me delicacies for me to try. They all had red paste in it which has gluten in it. She even brought over a lot of little fish with their heads still on.

I was faced with the decision of forcing myself to eat something I did not want to eat and saying no and appearing like an impolite American. I saw no way of getting out of this. I took the second choice as I remember having to eat food my mother put before me even though it made me sick. I said, I am sorry but I can't. I am allergic.

There is no right nor wrong answer. I was not going to win this one no matter what. I choose myself. I choose to obey my likes and dislikes. I just could not look at those pig knuckles or feet and feel like I could force myself to eat them. I also could not eat something that would make me ill no matter how the circumstances look to other people.

No Fear

"The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."
-The Buddha

As with many people, I have lived much of my life with fear. It has become a fact of life to do so. It has curdled the milk of existence, so to speak, ruining many moments of what should of been sublime experience as I sat worrying about what would happen to me when sitting in front of wondrous sights such as sunsets and other views of nature so that I came away from those sights only with the memories of those worries. I didn't like it, but I continued to do it.

I knew I had to change. Getting to my older years only created a stronger desire to change some of the things, habits that I have gained over the years and excessive worries was certainly one of them. I have made some progress and coming to Korea has improved this because I am no longer around familiar things. That factor has helped me. Another is the quote above by the Buddha.

I still don't know if I will get a renewal of my contract from the university where I am teaching. My work is fine so that is that is not an issue. My age is. I have began to worry and not enjoy my time here. I want to for it is a beautiful country and the people are wonderful. I have been making friends. That is not easy for me. I have begun to lose weight again, slowly, but I have begun to do so. I am afraid if I move back to the States I will lose the momentum. I miss my relatives and friends, but I need to lose my overweight. My writing has improved tremendously.
The problems with the family of my one special student seems to be gone right now. I am teaching him without difficulty.

When I don't fear my daily life and all of the possible problems that might arise, I can see the magic that is no doubt here. I can enjoy my students and all that happens to me everyday. The Buddha was a very wise man. He was no god but simply a man who learned to walk the middle path as some of us have. I am walking right now on the middle path but have problems staying there and mindfulness is a quality that escapes me from time to time. I am working on it.

I am not saying that Fear does not have a part in our lives. It helps keep us alive by alerting us to possible dangers such as watching cars when we cross streets or going to the doctor when something in our health changes. But excessive worrying is not the way to go for me. The Buddha is right. When you reject help and just let life unfold in front of you, then you are freed. I am working on it.

Caffeine, etc.

Because I can't buy diet carbonated drinks that are caffeine-free, I have stepped up my consumption of caffeine and have been waking up with a caffeine withdrawal headache. Normally, I drink only one cup of caffeinated coffee a day. Now, I find that is not sufficient. I have found a good place to buy diet Coke but it is caffeinated. So, I have been keeping the bottles and refilling them with water and putting them in the freezer. My refrigerator does not stay cold enough to freeze the water in the bottles to ice but keeps them very cold and a treat to drink on these very hot days here in Korea.

My son in the USA is sending me some artificial sweetener which I can't buy here in Korea and I will be making my own drinks that are caffeine free with some fruit. I know I have written about this lack of artificial sweetener before in these posts. I am not sure why this is the case here, but it is a real hardship for those of us who want to cut down the amount of sugar we drink and/or eat. There are plenty of products in the supermarket that contain sugar such as a huge array of juices far more than I remember in the US and one can buy even hamburger patties that have sugar added to them. The only condensed milk that I can find also have a lot of sugar added to the product. I had to throw mine away. The candy and cookie aisle of the stores are huge. Luckily I am not tempted. I never buy them.

My weight has not changed for about three weeks although I have been exercising. I am disappointed, so I am looking at ways to cut down what I am eating. I used to eat less when I had less money to spend. I don't eat as much Korean food as I used to since I don't fix it here at home. I am going to look at the ways I have been eating here. I used to eat just one meal a day and I have noticed I am eating two now. Cutting down on caffeine is one of the things I am doing now.

All and all I am enjoying my time in Korea. I am getting to know more people and even went to church yesterday although I am not a Christian. The service was conducted in English. I had a great time. I went to dinner with several members afterward to a Vietnamese restaurant and the food was outstanding and very healthy.