Thursday, July 15, 2010

No Fear

"The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."
-The Buddha

As with many people, I have lived much of my life with fear. It has become a fact of life to do so. It has curdled the milk of existence, so to speak, ruining many moments of what should of been sublime experience as I sat worrying about what would happen to me when sitting in front of wondrous sights such as sunsets and other views of nature so that I came away from those sights only with the memories of those worries. I didn't like it, but I continued to do it.

I knew I had to change. Getting to my older years only created a stronger desire to change some of the things, habits that I have gained over the years and excessive worries was certainly one of them. I have made some progress and coming to Korea has improved this because I am no longer around familiar things. That factor has helped me. Another is the quote above by the Buddha.

I still don't know if I will get a renewal of my contract from the university where I am teaching. My work is fine so that is that is not an issue. My age is. I have began to worry and not enjoy my time here. I want to for it is a beautiful country and the people are wonderful. I have been making friends. That is not easy for me. I have begun to lose weight again, slowly, but I have begun to do so. I am afraid if I move back to the States I will lose the momentum. I miss my relatives and friends, but I need to lose my overweight. My writing has improved tremendously.
The problems with the family of my one special student seems to be gone right now. I am teaching him without difficulty.

When I don't fear my daily life and all of the possible problems that might arise, I can see the magic that is no doubt here. I can enjoy my students and all that happens to me everyday. The Buddha was a very wise man. He was no god but simply a man who learned to walk the middle path as some of us have. I am walking right now on the middle path but have problems staying there and mindfulness is a quality that escapes me from time to time. I am working on it.

I am not saying that Fear does not have a part in our lives. It helps keep us alive by alerting us to possible dangers such as watching cars when we cross streets or going to the doctor when something in our health changes. But excessive worrying is not the way to go for me. The Buddha is right. When you reject help and just let life unfold in front of you, then you are freed. I am working on it.

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