Thursday, July 14, 2011

My Six Regrets

Yesterday, I wrote about how an hospice nurse saw her end of life patients expressed their regrets and summed them up. This morning, I put down how things have suddenly changed in my life and I may be facing this end of life sooner than I had expected. I really don't know for sure as all of the tests have not been given, but the possibility exists. I am now looking at this and thinking what my regrets would be at this point in my life. These are my six regrets:

1. I came to Portland to try and fly in some of my dreams that I have held dear all of my life. Although I have been trying here and there, I have not been trying giving it my full attention. I have been doing other things. I regret this, deeply. If I am going to be reaching the end of my trip I will never know if I would have succeeded or not. I still put it off and for that I am for sorry.

2. I have six grandchildren and I would love to see how they turn out as adults. One, the oldest is already an adult and he has turned out well. I would regret not knowing how the others turned out and not being there to be a supporter of who they are and accepting them and loving them fully for that.

3. I want to finally lose my weight fully and be a nice thin senior citizen. I have been over-weight all of my life for the most part and I regret I will never be anything else but just an overweight person. I want to be thin and to be be able to buy clothes in my size in any style I want.

4. I want to be able to walk and hike without pain, if it is possible, and to be seen as a normal person walking on the trail. This might be related to the above regret. I want to blend in with the rest of the population instead of standing out as I do now.

5. I want to reach a part in my journals that I finally have total self-acceptance and feel great about everything I do. I want to feel a deep sense of compassion about my fellow human beings. I am closer than I ever was, but I have suffered grief and pain from experiences and that I am recovering from. I have not completed it yet but I am close. I would regret that I have not completed my goal.

6. I would like to travel more and see some more places such as Canada and Scotland before I die. I regret that I will never see Vancouver, Canada or Spain and other places such as Sicily. I want to see them as a thin person. I am tired of being treated with hostility and anger just because I am overweight. Traveling would be so much easier if I was like everyone else.

Well, it remains to be seen if I am given another chance to complete what I want to do. I have my fingers crossed. If not, well I had a grand time of it anyhow.

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