Thursday, May 12, 2011
I went out to the Grocery Outlet to pick up a few things since the one in Redding was very good on prices. The one I went to did not have the selection but it was still very good. On the way back, I saw a Goodwill store and on an impulse stopped there. At first, I was surprised at the high prices compared to other second-hand stores that I have gone to in Redding; however I looked at the quality of the merchandise and changed my mind. I bought some pictures for my walls which are very blank since I lost so many during the Purge last year at my house. I paid an average of $3.98 per picture and they were very nicely framed prints, some with glass. I also bought some nice cups at 99cents. I did not buy clothing although there was nice ones in my size since I don't really need any.
Most of what I have in my new apartment was what my youngest son managed to save from the stripping down of my house by my ex-husband and son. Many of the paintings were originals and have no idea what happened to them. The ones I bought from Goodwill were not originals and for a moment when I put them up on my new walls last night I worried about someone coming again and taking my pictures. I had to stop thinking about that since I am in Portland and not in Redding. I was reminded on how much I needed to move from the house I was violated by my family and my ex-husband. I did not feel safe there anymore. Here, I do. Last night as I moved my groceries and things I bought from Goodwill from my car, I locked my apartment and car after every single trip. That is how traumatized I felt about what my own family did to my home.
When I was in my thirties, my apartment was robbed. I got over it and continued to live in the place until I moved into my house in Kansas. I had been looking for a house there before that happened. They broke the lock in the door. I had no deadbolt in my door. My youngest son wanted me to buy a castle instead of a regular house as he was frightened. We went looking at the real castles that were located in Kansas City, Missouri at that time. We could not buy them, of course, but it was a hobby for my children and us to look on those wonderful big homes. Then we found the house we bought and we were never robbed again. Then last year those same family members that went through that robbery did it to me except the damage was so much greater. When I tried to tell my grown up children what I felt, they told me I was exaggerating. I could not call the police since one of my grown up children's name was on the deed since I put it there.
I sat in that house horrified and upset with no one to talk to. Then my oldest son would not allow me to have my finances back and it got so much worse. Well, I took back my bank accounts and moved to Portland. It meant giving up my home, but I did not want to live there anymore. The ex-husband was on his way back anyhow. I left as quickly as I could with one truckload of belongings. It meant no pictures, few books, my computers, a bed, one couch, a few plates and no pans and few other things. I am slowly building things up again. I have been in worse places. I could not have chosen a better apartment. It's in a great neighborhood.
I bought a few pictures for my bedroom and a few for the living room. They work out well. I still need so much more, but I will slowly get it done as time goes by. I saw a few other large second hand stores. Goodwill had lots of people shopping in it and I will be back when I need other things that they have. Most importantly, I will have to trust to take care of myself as I have done all of my life and to continue to define myself even if it means moving away from family members who refuse to let me be who I am.
Posted by Geneva Lorraine at 11:10 AM