Blood Free

I am finally free of the blood after my stretching accident.  I am back to juicing.  I also have been drinking smoothies that I create for myself in my blender.  Before summer, I went to Value Village on senior day and found a brand new blender for 7 bucks and then I got 40 percent off.  It is the best blender I have ever used.  I especially like the blender container which is glass.

In juicing and making smoothies, there are several things those two ways of drinking one's meals have in common.  First, they  encourage raw fruits and vegetables and second, they encourage organic.  If one does not have the money for a juicer (I got mine off the Amazon for 44 bucks), then a blender does well.  I use both.  I like blenders because it is so much easier to clean and second, I get the entire fruit or vegetables and that contains fiber.  The juicer takes out the stuff one does not digest anyhow.  Still, I like both.  I have books that I have bought that have great recipes and hints.  I also get a lot of information and recipes off the Internet.  There is a lot of those sites for both juicing and blending(green smoothies).  I do recommend that one use the recipes because I have heard from others that when they try to make their own, they taste awful.  I have found that the tastes of both the juices and smoothies taste great. 

I have an exercise plan that I got from a physical therapist from the hospital where I go.  I am not doing it right now because of my recent injury.  I still find walking to be the best exercise and not boring.  I still don't incorporate exercises that well into my life activities.  

I get a lot of exercise from the trips I take with other seniors from the center.  It is all walking.  There is the Riders' Club that I take every month, but it is only once or twice a month.  The trips incorporate the public transportation system and Trimet gives us free tickets to participate in these trips.  After the activity that was planned, we often try different restaurants in the area.  All are low cost and for me, have a gluten free menu. The last trip I went on was this last Thursday.  It was a trip to the Portland Art Museum for a lecture and a tour of some exhibit.  Again, because of my age, there is no cost for any of it. Then we went to a terrific Asian restaurant that had daily specials for $6.95 and it could be ordered gluten free.  I had a meal with a side of rice.  It was a sauces with pineapple, tomatoes and other vegetables and some chicken.  It was very delicious.  

I journal every morning as part of my meditations.  I am reading THE ARTIST'S WAY by Julia Cameron and it is useful in unlocking the creative energies which is in everyone.  She wrote that the morning pages are essential for getting a focus on where life is leading us.I have been doing it for years but it is helping me with the issues that have come up with my new eating plan. 

Writing is an adventure or it helps to put excitement in my explorations.  It is not for everyone, but it works for me.  I have been discouraged over the years in this but I have learned to disregard these "crazymakers" attempts to dissuade me from writing and examining my environment both the inner and outer worlds.  To be honest, age has given me the courage to ignore everyone unless it is something that I think will help me enjoy life more.  Lots of good things happen in my senior age and some not so good such as not having the ability to absorb minor incidents such as what happened to be a few days ago.  I like my age although I would not have had any choice anyhow since the alternative is something I would rather not do as yet.

Taking a Sick Day

The other day, I did some stretching and reaching that resulted in severe pain.  I had blood in my urine and stool which scared me.  So I took a day off today and already the kidney seems to be fine and the other source has less blood.  By this Monday, if it is not totally gone, I will make an appointment at the Women's Clinic. This has never happened and I feel fine otherwise.

I know what the problem is.  I forgot how old I am.  I was thinking, at least unconsciously, that I was still a young person who could do something a bit outrageous physically and then recover quickly.  I am in my late 60's and I should have had more sense.

I enjoyed the day sitting in bed and even drinking tea on a tray. I made some soup on the stove and ate it in bed on a bed tray.  I like to pretend there is someone who is doing all of this for me.  

I was told yesterday at the senior center that there is a study that shows there is arsenic in the rice supply.  I looked it up and it is true.  I also looked up the diseases arsenic causes. I found out that my Britta table top filtering system is rated 'D' in comparison to other filtering systems. I won't be buying those filters again.

The World Health Organization of the United Nations stated: 'Drinking water rich in arsenic over a long period leads to arsenic poisoning or arsenicosis. Many waters contain some arsenic and excessive concentrations are known to naturally occur in some areas. The health effects are generally delayed and the most effective preventive measure is supply of drinking water low in arsenic concentration." Otherwise, stop drinking arsenic flavored water.  That is not always possible. 

I am including the quality of water because rice is grown in heavy amounts of water.  I began to see that it wasn't so much of a crisis of the safety of rice but of water in itself.

Diseases suspected to be caused or aggravated by Arsenic in drinking water by the United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in Arsenic Rule Benefit Analysis, August 9, 2001

Lung cancer
Bladder cancer
Skin cancer
Prostate cancer
Kidney cancer
Nasal cancer
Liver cancer
Stillbirths
Postneonatal mortality
Ischemic heart disease (heart attack)
Diabetes mellitus
Nephritis (chronic inflammation of the kidneys)
Nephrosis (degenerative kidney diseases)
Hypertension
Hypertensive heart disease
Emphysema
Bronchitis
Chronic airway obstruction
Lymphoma (tumors in the lymph)
Black-foot disease
Developmental deficits

Arsenic is also suspected to contribute to various other cardiovascular, pulmonary, immunological, neurological, peripheral vascular and endocrine diseases but as with the above symptoms, the epidemiological study of diseases caused by Arsenic poisoning is only in its infancy.
According to a news report April 19, 2001, a team of EPA scientists at EPA's Office of Research and Development laboratory in North Carolina have discovered a possible, direct link to DNA damage caused by arsenic compounds. The research demonstrates a human cell's own metabolic responses to arsenic exposure produce compounds that cause genetic damage.
A National Academy of Sciences (NAS) report says the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has greatly underestimated the cancer risks of arsenic in drinking water, according to EPA officials, WaterTech online, 12 September 2001
Dr Azad of Hokkaido University in Japan has made the following classification of diseases caused by Arsenic in Bangladesh:
Initial Stage

Melanosis
Keratosis
Conjunctivitis
Bronchitis
Gastroenteritis

Second Stage Depigmentation

Hyperkeratosis
Non-pitting edema of legs
Peripheral nephropathy
Hepatopathy

Final stage Nephropathy

Hepatopathy
Gangrene
Cancer of skin, bladder and lung

(In Bangladesh, the majority of patients are still at initial and second stages according to Dr Azad.)
Dr Azad also mentions the following additional conditions caused by Arsenic in drinking water, as reported from other countries.

Bowen's disease
Basal cell carcinoma
Squamous cell carcinoma
Enlargement of liver
Jaundice
Cirrhosis
Non-cirrhotic portal hypertension
Hearing loss
Acrocyanosis
Raynaud's Phenomenon
Megablastosis
Goiter

All of the above data is from the website "The Arsenic Challenge" http://www.sustainablefuture.se/arsenic/diseases.html

I also found out that the area that I was raised in Southern California is one of the worst arsenic areas in the world.  I thought all of the really strong arsenic poisoning areas were in Third World Countries.   No wonder I have trouble with cancers over the years. Many of the governmental bodies as well as the United Nations all say that arsenic poison in the drinking water is a serious problem in many countries including the United States.

I did not have to watch any horror movies off Netflix while I was spending the day in  bed which is ironic since today is Stephen King's birthday.  The news was enough to cause straight horror and it was all true.  I spent some time sending copies of what I was finding out about water to Facebook and Twitter.

Well, I did find out that the water supply in Portland, Oregon is fine.  They will be adding fluoride soon which is another issue again.   Not all counties put the results of their water analysis on line.  Grants Pass, Oregon does not so who knows what is happening there. 

I am hoping I can get out of bed tomorrow and take out the trash.  I did not want to lift anything and carry it up the stairs today.  I also spent some time reading some murder mysteries.  I threw one in my give away book pile because it was so unbelievable, but if I had seen the issue of arsenic in rice and water in a murder mystery would I have discarded the book as too unbelievable?  Perhaps. 
    

More Surprises

Every since I started the juicing program, I have had surprises.  Currently, I now have softer skin.  Again, I was not expecting this and it is a nice especially for this senior citizen.  My energy level continues to grow.  I read the articles about the study that showed organic food is not healthier than regular food.  Well, Stanford is crazy.  Not having the pesticides and other chemicals in my body has done me wonders.

Sometimes, I get hungry and one juice that always turns off the hunger wars in my system is a few oranges and carrots, usually two or more.  I just go it by ear or taste buds.  If the orange is large then I use one.  If they are on the smallest side, I use two.  If I am a raging dragon of hunger, I use more too.  I use the same measurements for carrots.  It does the trick every time. 

Maybe, I am discovering the real reason for eating in the first place and that is to nurture my physical body.  I drank coffee because I felt a part of the human race.  I have been consuming the advertizing that goes with different foods.  I drank tea because it felt as if I was part of a British tea party.  I am a bit of a Anglophile so I felt comfortable with the mystique of a pot of tea.  I drank carbonated drinks such as Pepsi and Coke because I felt part of the younger crowd.  I was a member of the band, so to speak, of others around the nation and world.  I don't even watch television much and yet I had all of those advertisements in my mind.  To be honest, that sucks.

Organic produce is expensive, however when I went to the doctor yesterday, the nurse took my blood pressure only once.  Generally, when your blood pressure is a bit high, they take it again.  I usually have it taken more than once.  My blood sugar measured 99 in my last blood work.  I started having a level of 145 which classified me as a diabetic.  The last time it was measured, the level has been 110.  I tried to tell people at the hospital that I don't think I am a diabetic but to no avail. (Have you noticed that when you say anything to a medical provider, they automatically discount what you say.  The program, House, doesn't help when House says everyone lies.  I think no one believes you because it makes their job easier if everyone is put into little boxes of expectations-theirs not yours.)

I was not weighed and I am glad as I am no longer weighing myself in the morning or any other time.  I have been losing, but I get a little antsy if I don't show some loss everyday.

I have been making an effort to dress better than I have been doing in the past.  I used to wear sweat pants and a tee-shirt when I went out to places.  Now, I still wear them around the house, but I make an effort to be more attentive to my appearance when I go out.   I have doctors' appointments a few times a month and I go out on trips with the seniors.  I don't get to take all of the trips that are offered because they fill up quickly.  I missed going to see a lighthouse on the coast this month because it filled up before I could sign up.  I always get a lot of exercise when I go out with the seniors.  This month I am going to the Portland Art Museum and some sort of Spaghetti Factory. They always go by public transportation so I also learn how to use it.  There is no cost to the seniors on these trips except what we buy for lunch. 

My doctor does not approve of my juicing.  I think she did not know what juicing is all about.  She is a resident doctor who will be around for a short time.  I am hoping I get someone who is more knowledgeable next time.  I remember a time when none of my doctors knew anything about celiac disease.  Now, they do. In the meantime, I am continuing on my juicing adventure and fine tuning it as I go along.   

New Taste Buds

I am eating one meal a day although smaller than past meals.  I juice the rest of the time.  What I have been discovering is that I am able to create my own juices instead of depending on the recipes that are in several books on juicing.  They turned out surprisingly well.  I also discovered my taste buds and to depend on them to find new and novel ways of juicing.

The other day I went to Grocery Outlet and found coconut milk as well as almond milk for one third the price.  Both were gluten free as well as organic.  I have never drank neither one of these juices before.  I bought one each and took them home.  My first glass of coconut milk was surprisingly thick and creamy and this is a drink with only 45 calories a glass.  I thought it was a bit bland, so I added an envelope of stevia (made from the stevia leaf).  I had run out of sugar and bought stevia after looking at descriptions of it on line.  It seems pretty safe and is not created in a laboratory.  I tried another glass and it tasted like a vanilla shake.  Well, I went out today and bought some Naked Juice on sale.  I added a small portion of the Naked Juice, Berry Blast, and it was a raspberry shake.  I now know if I get too hungry, I can have a shake without breaking my juicing program.

For dinner, I bought an organic onion and coated with corn flour that I had left over and fried it in olive oil, again left over from my supplies.  It was wonderful, like onion rings and I have not eaten onion rings for many years because I cannot eat gluten.  I used the onion rings for a meal and cut up the entire onion.

I still have some gluten free pasta left in the pantry and will be cooking them up for my one meal starting tomorrow.  I had some tomato sauce in the larder and will be using that as well.What is amazing is that I am satisfied with the meals so far.  I am eating what I want to eat and not what seems to be a great meal.  I was driving around Portland today and drank a bottle of Naked Juice instead of eating and it tasted good. Naked Juice is an acceptable alternative to juicing when you can't juice.  There is no sugar added and it is relatively organic. 

I am loaded down with watermelon and oranges and they are terrific to juice.  It is a gourmet meal in a glass. They are all organic except one of the watermelons (I bought two of them).  If the skin is thick, it is possible to eat regular produce.  I am staying away from the cantelopes right now because of the salmonella scare. There is another threat with mangoes from Mexico.  I haven't figured out exactly where my mangoes are with the possible exception of some I bought in an organic market.  They issued a bulletin stating their mangoes are not from the farms listed on the governmental alert.

When I was overeating, I don't think I paid as much attention to the tastes as I do now.  All of the produce that I juice are mostly organic and raw.  There is plenty of taste.  I don't add any sweetener to the juice although some recipes recommend stivia.  I find that I don't need to.  The juice is better than anything I ever bought from the supermarket and a lot more healthier.  When I eat my one meal of the day, I savor it greatly.  What is ironic is I am not having any trouble with being hungry.  Whenever I am hungry, I juice or drink my coconut "shake".  I would never have predicted this.  Life really is an adventure.

Gradual Wind Down to Juice Fast

I did not think of the option to gradually get into the Juice Fast. I did it at first because I had a pantry full of food and did not want to waste it.  I am not going back to my prior way of eating, so the food that I had would not be used again.  What was at first a economical decision turned out to be the best for me.  I have written before of the panic I felt when I finally got rid of all of my meat.  Now, as other things are winding down, I don't feel the anxiety. 

When I am out and about the community, there is so much to eat here in Portland, Oregon that is gluten free in comparison to other places. I am surprised that I spend my time looking for something to eat that would fall within my juicing guidelines.  Yesterday, I was at the Grocery Outlet and looked for some juice to drink in small containers and found a V-8 juice blend that was also fizzy.  It was a combination of fruit and vegetables without added sugar and it was surprisingly good.  It also satisfied my hunger.  I also bought a large carton of coconut milk and almond milk.  I have never tried them before.  Later at home I had a glass of coconut milk.  It seemed rich but bland.  I put a packet of stevia in and it tasted like a Dairy Queen vanilla shake.  I bought the two milks because the price was about one third of the normal price.  Last night as I was going to bed, I discovered I was very hungry.  I can't sleep when I am hungry and had a glass of coconut milk and that did it.

I slept well last night and I am glad I also took my vitamin pills. I also attributed to being able to buy some organic produce at Grocery Outlet for a much smaller price than the other stores I go to.  Organic is expensive but worth it for me.  I think it means that I will live longer if I eat organic than if I don't.  I got some very good prices on watermelon which is very nice to juice and oranges.  When the skin is thick such as citrus fruit, it does not matter if the fruit is organic since the pesticides can not get through the skin.  It is different for other fruits as apples.  That is why it is a very good idea to buy organic apples and they are handy for juicing.  In juicing it is important to drink vegetables but they taste better if some fruit is added.  I drank a juice of some watermelon and carrots yesterday that was very tasty.  I liked one also that was just watermelon and one lime (peeled).

I had a dream that I recorded a few years ago that I would be staying at my aunt's house in Grants Pass, OR in order to get my health on line.  I stayed for a year.  I remember I asked my aunt if it would be alright if I stay at her house for this reason.  She said yes.  Now, I feel as if I am living that dream. When I look out of my home here in Portland, I think often of my time spent as a child in Grants Pass with my aunt and uncle.  I had a dream about going to Korea that turned out to be correct as well.  There have been plenty of dreams that I have that turned out to be correct.  My oldest son, calls this magical thinking.  I call it enjoying one's life and not questioning the spiritual gifts one gets from time to time.

I have lost seven pounds since the start of this which is not changing all that much.  I did not expect to lose anything until I do the fast itself.  What I did get in return is the ability to walk up and down stairs without pain.  I feel so much better and when I am down which happens, it is not bad as it used to be.  I am continuing to read and write which are joys to me,  I take trips to explore my surroundings with the seniors from a center not far from me.  I visited a Trappist Monastery the other day which was very interesting as I am a fan of the Trappist monk, Thomas Merton.  I have read several books and poems of his.  I read "The Seven Story Mountain" as a teenager.

To me, this has proved to be an exciting part of my life.  Portland is a lot of fun from riding the sky tram from the VA Hospital to listening to music concerts in the many farmers' markets around the city.  It is very beautiful here too.  I am getting up in years, so I was astonished that the adventure continues.   

Last of Other Things

It shouldn't make a difference to me that I am running out of certain foods, but it does.  On Sunday, I woke up in the morning to the realization that I no longer have meat left in the house and that I will not be going back to it.  Panic! I thought for a moment as I was waking up that I had nothing in the house to eat which is not true.  Still, being mindful is important so I just had to admit that yes, I don't have many things left in the house and it is in accordance to my own plan.I have plenty of food that is healthy for me.

I think I may have written in here that when I was young, there often wasn't any food to eat or food that made me sick.  I grew up in a dysfunctional family.  There was enough money and my father and mother ate well, but us kids often didn't have enough.  I made sure there was plenty of things to eat and drink for my own children growing up although with money problems such as child support didn't always come in it was difficult but it was done.   I didn't like the fact that I spent hard earned cash on apple juice so my kids would not drink the sugary drinks such as Kool Aid and then I found out years later that the juice was loaded with Alar, a chemical additive.  I have since found out that apples are loaded with pesticides and I buy organic; however, my kids are all grown up now.

So, when I saw that one more thing has disappeared from the pantry, I felt the same sort of panic that I felt when younger I did not have enough food to eat.  Ah, these things happen and I was not surprised to feel these emotions that morning.  I did write about it in my journal, however, and that made all the difference in the world.  This is a journey I need to take and that I am not facing starvation although I have dropped seven pounds since I started this.  There is a difference in starvation and trying to lose weight.  I just keep that in mind.  Things are much healthier for me when I juice and eat the food that I do now.  I feel better and I can climb steps without difficulty or pain.  

Giving Away Things

Because I no longer drink coffee and I don't want to go back to it, I have been trying to get rid of my coffee maker, grinder and Keurig Machine along with k-cups and bags of Starbucks coffee as well as coffee cups.  The Keurig is only a month old.  I needed more room on the counter for the juicers.  I decided to bring back the Keurig since I have not been able to give it away.  I have tried.  One man who drinks a lot of coffee said that he thought it would be too much of a life-change.  Well, I can use the Keurig to make hot water for my herbal teas.  As for the coffee, I have them in a bag in the closet with other coffee things and will decide what to do with it later.  The kitchen is much better now.

I wrote that I used the last of the bread yesterday.  I have been toasting it and the handle fell off a week ago.  It was hard but not impossible to use, so I threw away the toaster.  I have decided to throw away many things in my place that I don't use any more.  This apartment complex has a man who comes by the dumpsters every week day morning to look at useable things in case they could be still used by others. Residents are to place such things next to the dumpster and he will go through them and give away the usable things to such places as Goodwill and Value Village.  I have never lived anywhere with this type of service was available.  I have put chairs out there along with other things such as an entire dish collection when I decided to replace with just one set of dishes and to get rid of the odds and ends I had in my cupboards.  I put them in a box and the man took them to give away to charities.  I was ending up with junk in my closets and cupboards that looked good but I never used anymore.  

This giving away of usable things is new for me.  I have never done it before.  I usually keep things for years and never use them.  I was raised in such circumstances that few new things came my way.  Now, I live in an area that have excellent second hand stores, which everyone uses, because many of the things in those stores are new.  The prices are very good and there is senior citizen discounts.  In Value Village, every Wednesday there is a 40 percent discount on everything for seniors.  I used that store to get many of the things in my apartment.  I don't need anything else now.  

I also shop off the Amazon.  I tried other sources off the Internet without success.  The prices are good and I joined a "prime" club on the Amazon when I got my kindle from them. This gives me free shipping and handling along with two day delivery on anything that I order if it is under the prime heading.  I have bought kindles for my grandchildren for school.  I often just sit back at home and shop for things there and carefully read the reviews on each product that I consider.  I have been saved from a bad purchase many times.  I got my juicer on sale there after putting it on my wish list.  I am very happy with it.  

When I got out of college with my bachelor degree, I could not find work right away.  I was supporting my kids and the money from a scholarship had ceased.  I did housework to make ends meet.  I was surprised at the large amount of things the people I worked for gave away.  One time a woman whose family home had a swimming pool, was throwing away about 20 swimming trunks for boys.  I asked if I could have them and they kept my sons in swimming trunks for several years.  For me, giving away useful things was something another group of people did, not me.  I thought that woman was silly because her sons wanted new swimming trunks and she gave in to them.  I still do, but I can see now how good it is to get rid of extra stuff in one's home.  

I did not get rid of my coffee things, but I will keep them in the hall closet until I figure out what I want to do. As for the Keurig, I cleaned it last night and will be making tea with it this morning.  I am glad I kept it.  I did not regret giving away my dishes.  They were useful when I first moved here to Portland, but I bought a wonderful set of dishes from Goodwill on sale that were new.  It is nice to have more room in my cupboards. It is nice to have more room in my life.

Last of the Bread

I am on my way to a juice fast but am eating the last of the food in my pantry.  This morning, I ate the last two pieces of toast.  I am gluten free and bread is very expensive for me.  I was given three loaves of gluten free bread from the New Cascadia Traditional Bakery here in Portland. It is ironic that I am on the cusp of going bread free that I discovered a great gluten free bread, but it is the way I have decided to go. 

When I was eating gluten (I was not aware at the time that I had celiac disease), I often ate white bread.  My favorite breakfast was toast, orange juice and coffee with half and half.  I am no longer drinking coffee or having any milk related foods.  I can't image the amount of pesticides that went with my breakfasts.  Now, that I do, I avoid it. 

Bread is a convenient food.  You can toast it and put all sorts of things on it. My favorite was butter with some berry preserves.  I still eat berries but I juice them now.  When I was in the hospital, they gave me gluten free food and two slices of gluten free bread.  They never toasted it.  No matter how good the gluten free bread is, it always tastes like cement UNLESS you toast it.  Still it was so handy to put something on it and slap another piece of toast on it.   This morning it was very sad to see the last of the bread on my plate as I will not be eating any sort of starch until after the juice fast which will last as long as it takes to drop the excess weight that I am carrying. 

Coming back to life

I decided to bring back this blog because health issues were ending up on my other blog, "A writer's beginnings (again)" There is a lot happening in this area of my life.  I am beginning to lose weight again which is nice; however, my arthritic pain as dropped considerably.  I feel more energetic than I have felt for years. I am eating organic now as I have learned how much pesticides were in my food and my original cancer was from pesticides.  I have had cancer many times and want to avoid it for obvious reasons. Losing weight can improve this as well.

I have given up coffee because the juicing fast recommends it.  It was hard to do so. I also am now a vegan but I am slowing transitioning out of this and will be entering into a juice fast as soon as all of the food of my kitchen is gone.  I am still juicing everyday and eating one small meal.  I have three juicing machines, but the best one is from Amazon.  I chose that one from the reviews.  I bought some brand new juicers from Goodwill but one failed immediately.  The smaller one is a good one but messy.  I bought another for a small price at Grocery Outlet.  It is good, but very messy and  does not extract enough from the produce.  I use it every so often.  I will be trying other methods to get the juice out because Organic is very expensive.

I am positive juicing is the right way for me to go.  I will keep some aspects of it once I lose all of my excess weight which will take a while.  I want to continue juicing and eating raw organic fruits and vegetables but incorporate small meals.  I won't be going back on coffee nor eating meat again. I am not sure of milk products right now,  Like everything else, I will take this trip mindfully and see what happens.  Someone said that life is too short if one can't eat the good stuff and enjoy it.  If I go back to the way I was eating, I will have a much shorter lifespan and it will be more painful.  I can do without the hamburger and french fries.   It is possible to eat that way here in Portland.

Again, I have no idea whether or not anyone reads these blogs; however it does not matter.  I am having one grand time writing it and living this life. 

Cancer Free and Back

Hello Everyone !

I am back. All surgeries have been completed, and I am cancer free. What a great year 2012 is proving to be. I had just worked on staying alive. I lost parts of me that had the cancer. Luckily, I do not need chemotherapy. I stopped writing in here. I changed email accounts. I got a Kindle so I can start buying books electronically because I don't have room in my home for actual books.

Pain and being tired

I am getting better but I still feel tired when I go out to do some shopping. I also feel pain around my incision although not as much as I did a week ago. It is evident at least to my mind that I am having trouble moving around but some people really enjoy giving me a hard time and many others help me out. I have to move slowly. Some sales clerk at the Barnes and Noble Bookstore really was rude to me today. Needless to say, I will not be renewing my membership in January but it isn't because of her cold and impolite behavior. I just don't shop there anymore as I did in Redding, California. I shop far more at Powell's. I was there to buy a journal as Barnes and Noble have a better selection than Powell's.

I went to Grocery Outlet to get some needed supplies and there were no problems at all. I asked the clerk to find out if they had something for sure instead of guessing because I just could not hop around the store like I used to do before. They ran around for me and looked in the places they usually stocked certain things to tell me whether or not they had it. I was very grateful.

I got a land line telephone yesterday and except for a collection agency who is calling for someone I never heard of before, it is wonderful having the telephone. I called them back and they promised to stop calling after today. I have never been late paying my bills and never had an agency call five or more times per day. I had no idea they did things like that. I can't imagine such behavior would make people pay their bills sooner. I would think it would make people file bankruptcy. If I did not give out my new number, I would have asked for a new number.

I am back

I am out of extended care and it is wonderful being home. I was in a wonderful place after being in the Portland VA Hospital. The care at the hospital was good although some of the nursing staff had trouble understanding that it was my recovery and not theirs. The food at the hospital also helped me lose weight for I just could not eat it. One percent milk is very dismal for me although I drank it along with the coffee because as my mother always said, I have a great imagination. It is good to be home drinking my own coffee again.

The extended care facility had trouble with gluten free but they learned and everything was fine. The food was so much better there than the hospital. I lost less weight there. I am still overweight so I am not worried. The staff at the facility could not be more friendlier and helpful. I bought some more night gowns from a catalog that they had. At first, they put me in a room with another woman which was fine except she watched TV all of the time. After a while, I was going to go home because I could not sleep at night. I also learned what a waste land daytime TV is. They moved me to a room of my own and it was wonderful since it was a quiet part of the facility. Finally, my phone charger came from my son and I was able to listen to music off my phone using earphones. The view from the window was wonderful. I had my books and I was happy.

I am still not done with surgery, but the worst is over. I still need to lose half of my thyroid. I am on over the counter pain meds now. Before my stitches were taken out, I had to have some heavy duty medications. I don't need them and haven't since coming home. Again, it is so good to be home.

There are some problems at the Portland VA Hospital, but the doctors were great. The care facility was also a great place to recuperate.

TV watchers and non-TV watchers should never be placed in the same room. Staff members were sneaking in there at 2 AM to turn off the TV and I was in the lobby trying to get some sleep. Again, they tried to get special earphones for the lady but she would not use them as she said they hurt her ears. It did not take long for the facility to move me. I am very glad of that.

Nightmares

Recently, I have had a string of nightmares every night I have gone to bed. I know it is because of the pending surgery on Tuesday, September 27, 2011. My stomach was so upset this morning when I woke up that I was afraid to have my morning coffee, so I waited until noon. It felt great to be able to drink it.

One of the things I cannot do is change what is happening to me. If I want to survive a bit longer on this planet I must go through the surgery. I have done it before several times. It doesn't get easier when I have to face it again.

It is amazing(at least to me) how many times I have to tell my VA doctors what surgeries I have had over the years, but I do because they were all done at the VA and they are all in my medical record. It is in the computer. I have long suspected that no one reads anything. They give you these questionnaires to fill out and the last one I filled out I said to the nurse: "Why do we fill these things out since no one reads them?" She just nodded. It is all busy work meant to give the patient confidence that the doctors know what they are doing and not give the medical providers any trouble. I am going to make sure that the doctors know which lung to operate on by marking it with a magic marker. I learned to do that in California. I would hate to wake up and find out they took a lobe out of the left lung. It 's not that they can put it back.

The nurse in the pre-opt session asked if I wanted to see a priest before I went into the surgery. I said yes and was astonished that she asked.

"Is it possible?" I asked her.

"Oh yes, we will have a priest for you before surgery."

"I guess in Portland you can find a Buddhist priest," I said. "I don't care what denomination he or she is from. She can be a nun for that matter."

The nurse looked at me in puzzlement. "Buddhist?"

"Yes, it is written all over my records. I have been a Buddhist for almost 40 years."

As I wrote earlier, no one reads the medical records. I probably won't get a priest before my surgery although my hopes were raised somewhat.

The wind has died down outside which is a shame. I was enjoying it as it blew the leaves, big gold ones past my patio windows. I watched the squirrels running along the branches preparing for winter which as I understand does happen here in Portland. The crows were up this morning cawing and complaining about something that was happening in their world. I wonder if it helps to complain sitting on a branch and knowing only another crow understands and everyone else would throw something if they could at you. Maybe, another crow would not listen anyhow which is part of the complaint.

The only thing that makes me feel good is being home at the end of the year and both surgeries are over and I am getting well and there are no other procedures to do except recover. That would be nice. I have plenty of books, two computers, and a freezer full of food and some soup in the cardboard. The social workers at the VA seem ready to work with me which was more than they were at the other VA were I was at but to be fair I was at a rural one. Portland seems to have their "ducks in a row" better than Redding did on that score. The Palo Alto VA Hospital was the worst VA Hospital that I have ever been. I hope it remains that way. I want all of my nightmares to be ones I dream about at night and not ones I experience.

Fairy Tales

I just finished reading "The Ice Queen", a novel by Alice Hoffman (Back Bay: 2005) and it is obvious that it is heavily influenced by the fairy tale. The fairy tale is an important part of our literary history that began first as an oral tradition in all cultures and then later were recorded. Hoffman took the fairy tale that some may dismiss as unimportant and gave it the meaning it deserves as she applied the stories to people, the characters, in this wonderful novel.

This book deals with many issues including death, life and love. It uses fairy tales to spirit the story along as the vehicle about an Ice Queen who is like all ice queens in the fairy tales we have heard or read, if one is lucky, and then uses it to tell the story of how we are in this life to share love and meaning in a life that seems on the surface without meaning.

I heard or read somewhere that we are the product of the choices we made in our life. Sometimes in life we make choices or we think we make choices only to find out that we really did not know all of the facts and circumstances. We find that there is more order in the world than we thought. I wrote somewhere that when I took literature classes in college the professors would make fun of those who thought there were things in life that were important such as love, relationships, meaning and such things. "There is none of that." They would say at their lectures and like a good student new to college I tried to hard to incorporate this into my life; but down deep I knew this was not true to me. There is meaning in life or it seemed to be. The protagonist thought there no meaning but found also there was.

I grew up in an household where parents did not read to their children. However, I had a wonderful aunt who took kids to the library. Ah, that was a wonderful thing to do for my parents did not do that either. She lived in Grants Pass,Oregon and the library was located in the basement at that time in a three story stone building that was the city hall. The library was full of old books and as I discovered full of books that had fairy tales so that the summer when I was 10 years old I read all of them. I remember feeling a degree of shame that at my age I seemed to need to read fairy tales although I knew there was no Santa Claus and no magic. And, I didn't just read them, I devoured them.

Growing up in the family that I did, no one took an interest in me. That seems sad as I took a great interest in my own children when they were growing up; but there are advantages for I was free to do what I wanted to do. In that old library, the fairy tales were in the adult section of the library, and I freely read whatever book I wanted to read. I had to read whatever book was available although in Grants Pass European tales were the vogue then. I now read folk tales from many cultures.

Reading Hoffman's book, I noticed the echo of many of those fairy tales in her book. She used many including other countries such as Greek mythology. I think I loved fairy tales because the hero was often female although the goal of the girl was to obtain the prince which did not sound completely true to me as I had reality all around me in the form of an alcoholic father who freely bounced not only my mother but us kids around. My mother talked about him in the past when he was her prince. The man married to my aunt was also a prince but he often hit her too. I did not want that for myself. Culture was still teaching us girls that the boy/man/prince was our only hope for a happy life. I enjoyed the tales but I was confused by them as well.

Hoffman reached down into the subconscious into those fairy tales that we were all taught either consciously or subconsciously and brought them into the light in this book. That is what a good writer does. She performed this task admirably. The reader doesn't have to agree with the premise of the writer but it has to be logical. Indeed, during my trip through the book I had doubts whether or not I would agree; but I did end up on the same page as the writer. I like the way the author resolved the issues in the book nicely. The choices of the characters also mirror those we all make in life. Those were addressed very well too.

When I think of fairy tales, I also think of Princess Diana and her end in a tunnel in Paris, France. Her prince turned out to be a dud. It is good not to take fairy tales too literally. I remember reading something by Joseph Campbell who said that if you read the Bible, you should view what Jesus said as a metaphor. He was a expert on fairy tales as well. I think that is what should be done on all stories and that is to view them as metaphors. Heavens knows, maybe the stories our kids tell us should be viewed as such. Some of those stories were duds but that is another subject.

I know I grew up angry with the world. It helps to know that there are old stories, tales to help us and guide us through the trials and tribulations on what befall us. I had rough beginning but I know others had a rougher time and others had it better. It is all relative. It's like climbing the stairs and noticing that there are handrails and that we can hold on to them to make it easier when we climb up. That is what those tales are, handrails. Sometimes, we have to adjust the things we were taught to believe in as we mature to fit the world we are discovering and the process of this never stops as I am learning now.

The main protagonist says in the book: "...The way to trick death. Breathe in. Breathe out. Watch as it all rises upward, black and blue into the even bluer sky." That is going to be one of my handrails on Tuesday when I have my surgery.