Tuesday, October 6, 2009

October 6, 2009 Tuesday

Last night I watched a program on television and got hungry. I thought about what I wrote on this blog and had a cup of decaffeinated coffee with half and half instead. It was not that difficult to do it. That is what this blog is supposed to do and that is be an avenue of release and support for what I am trying to do.

I remember the first time that I learned that there was a name for the symptoms that I was experiencing in my life. It was called post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) and I felt ecstatic because at least I knew what it was. I had gone to psychiatrists before and the conversations went like this:

"Doctor, what is wrong with me? Why do I have nightmares, rages of anger and why am I so damn angry all of the time?" I would ask.

"Why do you need to know this?" The doctor would ask.

"Am I manic-depressive? Schizophrenic? " I ask.

"Why do you need to have a term or a diagnosis?"

"I just do."


I ended up screaming inside. Then here in California, a counselor told me. It fit as a hand fits in a glove. I knew why I had it and what I needed to do to get better. Ah.... I need to put things into words. I am sure I am not the only one.

The other day, I crashed. I got up again and am not beating myself up for it. I learned a lot from it.
I also learned the more I post, the better things are. As I have mentioned, I don't have readers and it is not necessary. In fact, there is an advantage in that I feel free to post whatever I want and to change things along the way.

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