October 8, 2009 Thursday

Yesterday, I went out to lunch with a relative to the Red Robin Restaurant. They gave me a gluten free menu. I ordered a cheeseburger. It was an incredible meal. It was the first time in many years that I had a cheeseburger and fries. I had iced tea. I was like everyone else at the table. They even wrapped it up like a cheeseburger except it was a lettuce wrap, but everything else was the same. The cheeseburger was wonderful. I had not eaten lunch and it was late. (I can't eat gluten). It was the first time that a waitress did not roll her eyes when I asked for exceptions when ordering food and came back with a special menu.

Unfortunately, all I could think of was that cheeseburger and how I fit in. How I was like everyone else after so many years being different, not being able to eat what everyone else eats and being made fun of not only the waiting staff but even the people I was with. Anger bubbled to the surface. It was anger that I did not even know I had. There are people who cannot eat seafood or peanuts and risk actual death if they eat it. I just get sick. I don't die if I eat gluten although it feels as if I am going to.

I overate when I got home because I wanted to experience that same feeling of what I felt when I was at the restaurant. It wasn't bad, but I could feel the feeling of what the same high of eating food like everyone else, of being treated like everyone else, of blending in. It is what I want for myself in being healthier. I touched a vein of feelings that I knew was there but did not know it was so strong. I also did not know how angry I am towards people who make fun of those who are different, people who cannot be like others and have to sit on the sidelines. I would never have know this if I did not have celiac disease and if I did not have trouble with over-weight. It is not all that bad being over-weight. It does teach compassion towards others or at least it taught me.