It would seem that even to the most causal reader would question the inclusion of the article "How Iago Explains the World" reprinted from today's New York Times seems out of place here on this blog, but it does have a lot to do with a problem that I am wrestling with at the current time mainly "conflict between transparency and secrecy" in my own life.
I have noticed that many people with boundary issues have this problem. They are open to other people, truthful to a fault and honest about their own issues and often readily share their resources with any and all who need them especially with family members. In turn, family members learn they can take and take with impunity. There is always an Iago in the grass, slithering and snaking himself or herself to take advantage of this so-call fault. The Iagos of this world are so good in concealing their hidden agendas as Shakespeare so beautifully put it:
For when my outward action doth demonstrate The native act and figure of my heart In compliment extern, 'tis not long after But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve For daws to peck at: I am not, what I am.
Iagos are jealous of their victims. Because victims can't imagine anyone being jealous of them, especially over-weight people, they are totally clueless and often are until the end when the revenge is taken. It could be a paid off car, nice clothes, a nice job or education or both, it could be anything such as a sunny disposition that will set off a Iago to go after an over-weight person who is also a victim. Othello like all victims assumes everyone else is like himself, open and unassuming. Oh, he is wrong so wrong and never learns how wrong he is.
In the article, there is a quote: "The master conspirator said: "Take note, take note, O world: To be direct and honest is not safe." Now this article is directed towards President Obama, but it could be directed towards all victims.
However, I think it is wise not to be so trusting and I don't believe the president is all that trusting. (He is a very smart fella.) I do think that victims should not wear their world "on their sleeve" however. To be honest and to follow the precepts is still a good policy, but to look out for oneself is also a good policy. To give too much to family and friends is not good. I have learned that lately. I also am beginning to learn that I have to give to myself as well.
I am so used to giving all to everyone else that it is hard to reserve my own resources to myself. After all, I am not raising a family anymore. I deserve to be treated as number one. I am not doing them a favor nor am I doing one for myself. I am expecting them to be grateful and they are not. All I am doing is setting up a pattern for them of "gimmie, gimmie, and gimmie me some more". That is not healthy for anyone. I am getting madder, madder and madder inside of me because no one appreciates me for what I am doing for them and why should they? Then with a start I realize what I really am doing: I am turning into Iago. Oh my gosh!