Sunday, April 17, 2011

Making Friends With One's Body

I am still reading Marianne Williamson's book, "A Course in Weight Loss" and in the second lesson she recommends that the reader make friends with all parts of one's body including the part that is over-weight. Well, that seemed to me to be a tall order so I thought I would start with the 20 lbs that I gained since coming to California.

There is the temptation to hate that 20 lbs, to be sure. This morning, I noticed that I have lost one pound of it already. I did compare scales with the doctor's scales and noticed that both say the same thing. The scale at the gym, however, puts on about 15 lbs so I shy away from that one. Instead of hitting myself over the head with the fact that 20 lbs have decided to come and stay minus one pound on my frame I looked to see the friendlier aspects of it. The weight is showing me that I have a decent scale. I think I have already put that down somewhere and will check. Yes, I find that I have mentioned that in a post not too long ago. Sigh....

I guess, I will have to look at the larger issue of my over-weight. In the past, I would try to accept my over-weight by pretending it did not exist. That worked until I tried to put something on that had fit just right and found it did not fit at all. The one dress that I remember was a black dress that I found on sale that had a white bow on the top. I had to wash it very carefully and dry it on a wooden hanger. I bought it when I weighted 165 lbs and at 180 it ceased to fit. One friend, Mary, got mad at me when I tried to put it on. I am not sure why she was so mad at me. I had another dress I could get into. I haven't seen Mary for 40 years so I can't ask her. She got mad at me again when she had affairs on her husband when he was at work and I was shocked that she would bring her daughter with her and put her in front of the television set in the living room and have her sexual play with her lovers in the bedroom. She didn't talk to me anymore. Its not that I liked her husband for I did not, but that was so bad for her daughter to be part of that sort of thing. Mary's parents were such strict Catholics.

When I was in my first marriage, I really gained weight. That weight was trying to tell me that I was not happy. I should have listened to it because it kept coming and coming and I could not lose it no matter what. I was exercising too. My first husband was gaining too. He must have been unhappy too. He is quite small or at least the last time I saw him.

My over-weight gave me time to think about things. I did not go out and get hooked up with someone else until I figured out what happened the first time. All sorts of medical professionals were trying to get me to lose the weight and after all of this hindsight I am glad I did not. I need that breather. I needed that time to do other things which I did. I got my graduate degree and another job and career.

My blood pressure and sugar levels are fine. I still need to get the weight down. I need to get the exercise although I am active and with my house soon to be empty of people I will be doing all of the work that needs to be done. I will continue to go to the gym. I hate the gym, but I hate the dogs that run around the street even more. The music that I have plugged in my earphones really helps.

I know someone who can hardly move and can remember myself being in that situation. I am not that way at all. I can move without pain and rarely take pain relievers. My knees are fine and I feel good to be able to bounce around without difficulty. I eat far more healthier than I ever did before. I rarely eat meat anymore and can see a time where I don't eat any at all.

Mindfulness is a key concept and I try to keep it in mind as much as possible. That has been very important when dealing with the subject of food. When I think about eating, I ask myself if I am really hungry or just want to be comforted. Most of the time, I want things out of my food because I have given it power to comfort me. Being mindful helps in this area.

There is no doubt that the stress in this house is a continuing problem. I am giving it to my Higher Power and letting that Higher Power deal with it.

There is a lot of wisdom in Williamson's book and I am taking advantage of it. It is a new book and the chances of it getting it again are slim as it is a library book. Still, it fell in my hands and I am going as fast as I can in reading it. Hello body, hello friend.....

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