Thursday, April 7, 2011

Oh oh, change.

I tweeted this morning: "Yesterday, the welcomed change brings with it dancing joy; but this morning, the same change brings with it, crippling fear." Now, instead of feeling waves and waves of happiness I am afraid of living by myself and having to do all of the work that I have asked my son to do in the past such as move this desk or fix a door hinge. Yes, I had to ask him over and over again and for months; but if I asked him enough times I would get it done.

That does not mean I am changing my mind. Far from it. I can see that letting him stay here under the conditions he is staying here is not good for me but certainly not good for him either. I helped him when he needed the help, but it is time for him to be on his own especially since not having responsibilities was creating a person who did not get out of bed and did not have to get out of bed. He had no reason to. I feel like the Mama Bird who has to push the birds out of the nest. He is one big bird and although it is a bit late it is better late than never.

The reverse is true too. I need to be kicked out of my nest. I need to fly as I used to fly years ago. I used to take care of my needs and to evaluate what I need and find my own answers as I used to do. Lots of people do it and there is no reason I can't do it too. My adult child will leave me a mess for me to fix like a few broken windows and furniture to throw out, but it can be done.

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