Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Finally, Some Answers

I finally have some answers from my doctor. I will be having surgery again and this time I will be losing a lobe from a lung. Since getting out of the military, I keep losing bits and pieces of my body to cancer, however each time the Veterans Administration were able to stop it at that particular spot. Then, it is on to a new spot. My pet scan shows another area as well. Sigh.

I was thinking this morning that I am not as depressed as I thought I would be. I have already decided to live mindfully which means day by day. I am alive today and that is what counts. I still have a feeling that I will be able to survive this time and the new site that the pet scan found. I will be filing additional service connection with the VA for it but I am not hopeful. I am just grateful that they have been able to catch it in the early stages.

The doctor gave me this device to exercise my lungs and strengthen them for the upcoming surgery. It has actually helped me with my hay-fever and I really feel better using it. I cough less. I was tested for lung capacity and I am in the normal range.

Things change and this latest bout with cancer has changed me. I was behind this senior citizen yesterday coming home from the VA Hospital. He was in a brand new shiny Porsche and he was driving as if he owned the road. He didn't bother me at all and I just let him go on with his delusions. It wasn't that long ago I was smug in my own delusions(without a new expensive car, however) and feeling alienated from the real world as he is and I am no longer there. I am more compassionate towards my fellow human beings and I am more glad at that development.

We are all on our own spiritual pathways and each of them are individually crafted and engineered for each of us. I was able to take a step and understand some additional knowledge and as they say no pain, no gain. I am not even going to pretend to understand that man and his Porsche and how he is living on his spiritual pathway for it is none of my business. I am just grateful for mine. I just hope it lasts for a while.

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