Sunday, March 27, 2011
This is a continuation of the last blog post that I wrote yesterday. I have been writing in my journal about his subject and thinking. I remember writing last night in my journal that it isn't a matter of changing my sons' behavior. It was a matter of changing mine. I needed to stop deferring to my sons and to stand up to them and not freeze when they yell at me.
I heard lots of moving of furniture as I was working on my writing. I thought they finally moved the extra furniture out of my grandson's small room. I had asked them to put one of my old computers in there. It works well and can be hooked up to the Internet. My grandson is 17 years old and is in high school. He uses the computer in the living room but when the other grandsons are here, he gets thrown off and he has to sit in his room on his bed. He has no room to do anything else. His small room has a bunk bed and his double bed. His closet is full of other people's things.
I told my son that he needed to either move him into the spare room which is so much larger than his and put my computer in there for him or clear out the bunk bed and put a desk and computer in the smaller room for his use whenever he needs it. My son said it was none of my business but I said this was my house and he was my grandson. He works hard at jobs inside and outside the house. He gets a check every month from Social Security based on his deceased father. It goes towards the upkeep of the entire family. By the end of the month, he will have his own room. Then when my son started to yell at me, I told him to lower his voice.
I just could not see that high school student being so miserable day after day. He does put a lot of work in and gets no money for it. He often walks in the rain from high school. He also gets good grades in school. My son does not work in the house or outside. The grandson and his mother are the only ones that work in the house and in the yard. I can't change that since it is his family and the young man is her son and she is my son's significant other. At least I could change how the house is arranged. No one lives in the spare room. Friends come over to visit hm and there is no place for them to stand in his room.
Of course, I now think I don't have the right to demand those things of my son. I have made very few demands on him in the past (practically none). I can hear them discussing it among them. I am sure the battle is not won. Maybe I over reached myself. I certainly can't call his brother and ask his opinion since they are the same.
Well, they sent the grandson in here to say he wants things to stay the same. I told him that I won't let him out of it. They are going to move him into the spare room. My son said my threats are offensive to him and I said "Oh well" but I asked him to throw away the couch that is in the spare room since it is so worn out the frame shows. He refused. I can see that I will have to allow some compromise. Why anyone would want to keep a couch that looks like something from the dump is beyond me, but you win a lot and you lose a little. Such is life.
Posted by Geneva Lorraine at 7:01 PM