Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Love My Life

Oh, this is going to sound so repetitive...maybe but here goes: I love my life. I love waking up in the morning. I love sitting here in bed with my laptop and drinking my coffee writing this. I am so damn happy knowing that I am in control of my finances, the apartment I am living in, my life.

All of my life or so it seems I have been working towards this, having my life to do what I please. To decide what to do with my time, to read what I want, to listen to whatever music I want, to spend my money on whatever I feel I need to, to live where I want to live, to take classes on whatever subject I want to only limited on what is available, to write on whatever I want to, to think whatever I want to...This is getting repetitive.

My income is my own. It is not based on someone else's labors but my own. I raised my children and I supported them for the most part. Of course, I live in a country where I can do this. In some countries, such as Saudi Arabia, I could not even drive a car. I realize that I have those elements at my disposal. Still, I remember babysitting as a kid for single women who barely had enough to support their children and themselves because the father of their children decided to take off and not pay child support. In those days, no one could force them. Now, they complain because there are strong laws that make them do it. I remember when there wasn't and women really had to suffer because the men were living well and they barely had enough to feed the children.Men make more money than women do on the job. I remember seeing my children's father living a lot better than I was and I was getting child support most of the time. When he stopped, there was nothing I could do about it. All of my paycheck went towards the support of my children. Now, all of my paycheck goes for the support of myself.

If I need a pair of shoes, I can buy them. I don't have to ask anyone for the money. I did when I lived in Redding. I ended up going to Payless Shoes when I had the money in the bank for the good shoes I needed but could not buy because my son said no. Now, I buy the good shoes I need. I look at the bank balance and decide what I should do. In Redding, I needed slippers and bought them in a second hand store. I had worked without a break since the age of 15 and supported myself and my children as a single parent and I also supported my way through college. I never bought my children second hand shoes. Yes, I often bought them second hand clothes when money got tight, but never bought them second hand shoes. When I got back from Korea, my oldest child would not give back control of my checking and savings account. I wanted to keep everyone happy and went along with it.

Now, I buy books when I need them. My office is still not up and running. I am hoping to have the table I need to do that by today or tomorrow or at least to order it. I have everything else. I will just order things bit by bit as I go along. I have a second hand chair but it will do until I get the chair I need. I bought one file cabinet last month for my personal papers and I will use it also for my writing until I can buy a separate one for my writing.

I bought a small vacuum last month as well from Fred Myers and noticed that there were second hand vacuums at Value Village and Goodwill. The vacuum at Fred Myers was cheaper than the ones at the second hand stores. Now all I have to do is use it.

To get back to what I started to write about, I love my life because I am in charge of it again. I was in charge of it in Korea and loved the freedom of it there and lost it when I came back to the States. Now, I have it back. It's hard to describe and explain what it is to be under the control of one's family or spouse to some who have always had the freedom to do whatever they wanted to do. Some people or at least some of the people I have talked with like having someone take care of them. I don't. There is the disadvantage of being in charge of one's life. If you fall down, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you run out of money, there is no one else you can get money from. I have been paying this price all of my life, so I was astonished that I could not enjoy the spoils, so to speak, in my retirement. Now, I am.

When I was working as a medical social worker, a fellow worker thought I led the most boring life she had ever heard of. Well, she ran off from time to time with men to different cities and left her five children who were old enough to take care of themselves. That was her choice. She fed and took care of them. They had a great house to live in. I did not want to do that. I loved my children and spent time with them and we traveled as a family. I read and went to school and got my graduate degree. I wrote and published my writings. To me, that was exciting. We all choose the lives we live. I don't envy someone's life because if I thought there was a better way, I would do it. To me, this life is great. I love what I am doing. I don't have to wish for something better. I am living the good life now.

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