Sunday, September 20, 2009
Jack Kornfield in his book, "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry"(Please see Bibliography), writes: When our identity expands to include everything, we find a peace with the dance of the world. The ocean of life rises and falls within us---birth and death, joy and pain, it is all ours and our heart is full and empty, large enough to embrace it all." (pg. 94)
Part of what Kornfield writes is, for me, to accept everything in my life including the overweight and all of those times I failed to lose weight, failed to exercise, failed to measure up to everyone else who was thinner and could do all of the things I wanted to do like dance without jiggling, running without running out of air and looking like everyone else.
I have to accept who I am now not what could have been me, what I might become or what I should be. I need to accept every single inch of who I am now. Some people think self-love is a new age concept that should be shelved with yesterday's garbage. They say that all of this ego centric thinking is not what we should be doing and it is a fad. It isn't for me. I need to accept the person I am today. I don't care who makes fun of me or these posts, I really need to do this or I won't make it to the next stage I need to go.
Mindfulness is being present in the today and now and that means accepting who I am right now. I had a friend who was going through a messy divorce. Everyday he was told what a horrible person he was. He would crawl to work and he said he thought he was getting shorter and shorter as the divorce process went on. Then one morning as the sunrise rose over the mountains, he said to himself that although the divorce was a tragedy for the family there was nothing wrong with him. It felt as if a ten ton weight was lifted from his shoulders. There is nothing wrong with me. Yes, I have some problems and I am dealing with them; but there is nothing wrong with me. I am not going to listen to anyone tell me otherwise because my weight is too much or my clothes are too tight. Fuck them. I am just going to work it through one day at a time.