Thursday, September 24, 2009
September 24, 2009 Thursday 'Feeling down'
I like my doctor, but he made fun of me because I lost so little from the last time I was weighed in the office. I remember saying that I weighed this time with my shoes on and losing even one pound is success for me. Still, I came away feeling down. In reality, it was success. I woke up feeling disappointed in myself. I could have done better. It has been years since I have lost, but I feel that I have failed myself. I know the truth, but someone I trust said "it is only a few pounds" and I am so depressed about what the scale said. The pleasure that I felt in losing that weight disappeared.
In the past, I would have immediately gone off my diet. I have not done so. I knew there would be times like this as the song goes. I knew there would be times I would be challenged. I have been eating those little tubs of low fat ice cream. They are truly very small and it is part of my plan to get off sugar. I will not be buying them anymore. I have bought some artificial sugar that I can put in my hot tea and will be using that. I can't use Splenda because it gives me the "runs" very badly. I am using something I got from Trader Joe's.
My eating plan changes as time goes on. I am going to be eating more food that I fix from scratch and less from the prepared food that I buy from the store. I never eat fast food and restaurant food is getting less and less as everyone else is eating less and less. When I do eat out, I usually eat an omelet and cottage cheese nowadays. Yesterday when I went to the store I bought some beef that was organic and some organic onions. I will be eating one full meal a day and snacking the rest of the day but nothing after 6pm. I drink a lot of decaffeinated coffee with half and half because there is no real amount of carbs in that. When I drink coffee with half and half I don't eat anything else.
It does feel better to talk about my talk with the doctor. We really get along pretty good. He was the only doctor that I did not have to educate on what Celiac Disease is. One doctor did not know and when I came back had not bothered to look it up. I never returned to her. This doctor knows. My women's doctor is really a nurse practitioner and has been my women's doctor since 1989 and I just adore her. She knows about alternative medicine which is great.
I don't want to lose weight fast for if I did I would have loose folds of skin as those who have those operations to lose weight. There will be times that I will not lose at all. I just have to keep going. My exercise plan is certainly not great and needs a lot of improvement. I can't listen to anyone but me. Maybe that is why I don't mind that I don't have any readers on this blog. No one is saying you should not be using half and half for your coffee but non-fat. Well, I would have to explain that for me the carb count is the most important and I am lowering that every day.
Part of becoming healthier is changing how I look at food and how I look at me. I can tell that has changed.