Getting along

My youngest son and his oldest son who is almost 16 years old are not getting along. My son gets irritable easily. I know for I often hide from him at times. His own son is a good young man who is on the honor roll and has never been in any trouble and is liked by teachers and school officials. I tell him that he fights his father's rules such as not accepting his father's values and spending the weekends here. His son wants to spend it with his girlfriend's family. I consider that normal.

I really believe that my grandson loves his father but is going through a period of time in which he is losing respect for him. My son is not taking care of himself as well as he should. He has a girlfriend who is nice and cooks him wonderful meals, and he has gained weight. He weighs well over 300 lbs and rarely moves these days; and has I said he gets irritable very easily.

My youngest son doesn't get along with his father either; but then I don't either not since he emptied my house of my possessions while I was in Korea without my permission. My ex-husband is not allowed in my house whether or not I am here or not. I lost a huge amount of things and some of them very valuable. My son and his father are very much alike and that may be a problem. I don't know except I am not going to allow that to interfere with my relationship with my grandson.

I am going to take my grandson and his girlfriend out to coffee, tea or a cola this weekend and get to know her better. My grandson has gone through a string of girlfriends and this one has lasted a few months or so. I have met her family and they seem very nice. My grandson has always been a likable young man who gets along well with other people. He has mentioned along with his younger brother concerns about his father's health. I, too, have felt these concerns. It is normal for young men his age to rebel and to stretch out and learn about himself. I see him doing that in a way that is not self-destructive. He has never broken the law nor is he into the things many young men his age are into such as drugs and alcohol.

If he has a fault, it is his spelling skills. They are not strong. I don't consider that a serious problem. He is into computers and makes movies with friends that are good. He is kind to others and has learned signing so he can communicate with friends who have problems. I think he is puzzled by the anger his father is showing. He does love him and has no idea how to handle it so stays away from the whole situation. I am from a dysfunctional family background and my son's behavior is not bad compared to that, but again family ties are important. I am not letting any of them go because one member is silly enough to blame a son for his own self-hatred.

I have written in here that I tend to blame myself for my children's behavior. I am trying very hard not to do that. My youngest son is blaming his son for his own bad behavior. That is equally bad. He has no idea how lucky he is to have such fine sons.