Priorities

I was a single parent for most of the time I was raising my children. When I was married, I discovered that my children's father expected me to take the lead on many of the things we did as a family. At first, I did not want to do that as I was taught that the woman was the helpmate of the head of the family and the head was the man. When things were not moving, when action was needed to be taken and not taken because my spouse was waiting for me to make the decision I went ahead and made the decision.

I wanted to help support the family and asked my children's father if he minded if I made more than he did. He said he did not. He did. I worked for the government and and since I had a college degree and he did not I made more. Soon, I earned another college degree. I started to earn even more. I did it all so I could support the kids and get them the things my children neeeded. I did things for others. My family was my priority.

Now, my children don't need me. They have families of their own. Not only do I have trouble letting go of them, but it is evident they are having trouble letting go of me. This is part of what has been happening since coming back home. I have changed since my arrival. I am far more independent. I now want to live my life independent of theirs. The resulting feelings that I am having is resentment and anger of having my liberties curtailed. From what I have learned from other women in my age range, they are having some of the same problems. Their children want them to act their age, as one woman said. Her son said stop running around and stay home where you belong, he said. Some women said they are free babysitters and housekeepers and indeed that has happened to me a few times at least as a babysitter.

The priority has changed. Now, I don't think of them first or I am trying not to. I am now thinking of me first. I am not used to it for I keep sliding back, but I am working on it. It might sound a bit boring to some, but it is revolutionary to me. I have my own life now. When I had a special friend in Korea, I had to take care of him at times. Now, it is me and only me. I had no idea this has been happening to senior citizens. When I was younger, I never gave them a thought. I looked at them, walking around with walkers, canes or surrounded by wrinkles and covered with gray hair or no hair at all and just took for granted that they were always old. Can you imagine the discovery when I became one of them? And all of those babies now looking at me doing to me what I did to seniors so many years ago? I wish I knew all of this stuff years ago.